so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
how does that bad decision feel?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
