Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
