Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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