if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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