Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Randomize
