There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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