he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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