oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I wish I only lived at night.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
