he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
