I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Text me some of your sweat
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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