i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
