I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
