I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
