The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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