if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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