i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
