In the future we'll all be gay
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
