Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me I talked like a deaf person
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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