my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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