she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
