K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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