i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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