Got a toothbrush?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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