If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
