I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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