she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
