Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
