the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
