Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize