I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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