Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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