I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
