Say something about gay babies.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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