i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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