Porn is love you can see.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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