I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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