I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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