You're completely useless in the revolution.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
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