do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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