Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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