for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
