he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
