I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
