It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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