Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
