I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
