Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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