do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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