NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
