operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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