I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
