This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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