and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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