Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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