I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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