Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
