note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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