i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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