he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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