Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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