Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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