i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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