His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
