just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
