Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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