I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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