quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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