tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
