I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
