My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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