I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
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Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
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I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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