...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
