I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
