oh god the rape fog is back!
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
