The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
