I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
