I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
