Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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