haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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